also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
