omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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