Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
