Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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