Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
