one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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