Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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