So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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