my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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