so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
