I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
