Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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