The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
