I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We need a shit load of segways right now
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
