I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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