How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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