I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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