You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
