dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
