PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
