that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
