Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
