Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
