Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
