Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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