He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
