So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
