at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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