It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
