Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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