I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
