He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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