Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
