I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You smell like stripper and shame
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
