Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
