In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
