Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
