Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
