Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
