I'd wear matching sweaters with you
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
