look no pants
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
