I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
