Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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