I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
