I'm drive I can fine osifer
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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