OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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