well I can't set my house on fire every night
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
