They should really pass out barf bags in church
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
