you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
