I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
