Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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