the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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