as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
