I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
